Our Little Secret

Where does the bond between sisters start? Is it when mummy and daddy tell you, you are going to be a big sister? Is it the day mummy brings that little bundle of joy home? Is it while growing up…? I can’t say that I remember my mum telling me I am going to be a big sister! I can’t really remember the big tummy or the day she came home. However, I do remember when she was about a week old, my mum just hung new fresh curtains up, I was playing in them turning my self tight inside and spinning out… Who remembers doing this wow such fun! She told me stop it! You are going to pull them off, ok mummy I smiled as she walks out of the room, I thought I would give it just one last whirl. And just as she said I would, I pulled the curtains down. I ran out the room just as she came back in… What happened here? And I remember clear as day I said; no mummy it wasn’t me it was my baby sister. Your baby sister really, she said. Yes! Yes! It was her; I saw her she jumped off the bed and pulled the curtains down. My mum left it at that and carried on packing away the laundry. I went over to the bed where she was propped up against a pillow, I stroked her little face and said, our little secret. That is my first memory of my sister. As we got older that bond seemed to disappear as time went on, she was always there and always wanted to be with me and do what I was doing, now as a teenager I didn’t want my little sister to be there she was just being a pain and a nag… This went on until I moved out the house, the night I was packing my belongings my dad played It’s a Wild World by Cat Stevens. My sister came into my room and before she could say anything, I said to her sarcastically yes and now you can have my room and all my things just like you always wanted to, happy now! I looked up and there were tears streaming down her pale little face. Oh, stop whining, I said, and carried on packing my things. She looks at me with her beautiful blue eyes and her words shaky said, I just want you to know that you are my hero, I have always looked up to you I want to be just like you. I will miss you and I love you, hope you will come visit. I didn’t know what to say, here is this beautiful little girl in front of me and I never knew how much she cared about me, so stupid! The bond that I thought was broken she held on to, I never saw that! I remember driving off and looking back to my family home, thinking they will be better off without me. My heart shattered when I relived the words, she said to me, why on earth would anyone want to be like me. How did I have such a big impact on her life without even realising this? I was so consumed by my own life and things that I didn’t even notice that she might have wanted me to hold her little secrets! Years go by, only speaking on the phone once and a while, when I saw my sister again that little girl who I said goodbye to has turned into a stunning young lady, on the edge of becoming a woman. She was magnificent, the beauty she carried inside of her streamed out on the outside. She was everything I knew I would never be. I was so proud of the woman she has become. The girl with the golden heart. Now we are all grown up she has finally joined the 29-forever club and our bond is inseparable. She has been there for me with my tragic marriage, the birth of my kids, the loss of my friend, my divorce! All the milestones in my life she has been my rock, my anchor. She is my person. My little secret… The amazing thing is, she has always been my role model, I wanted to be just like her! If I regret anything in my life it would be that moment when I stood in front of her and didn’t say this to her. If I could go back in time, I would change it all. I would have founded my best friend on the bed that day, she kept a secret that she didn’t even know. I think of my sister and know that she is the person who will be there for me, even when I can’t be there for myself. Who will cheer me to my heights and who will console me when I’ve fallen down. She will stand up for me and lie down beside me. She will forgive me when I’ve hurt her and will, occasionally, even bite her tongue when she could so easily have said, ‘’I told you so’’ This is for my sister and all the sisters out there. If its by blood or by soul! Never let the odd things of this life break a bond so dear! Sisters share a love that is truly unconditional…they hold our little secrets… I love you my bear, thank you for being my PERSON! This is our little secret